The One With The Sad News & The Great Friends

Well, it has been a really really rough past few days. Rick and I decided to call the wedding off. He just kept getting the feeling that it wasn't right for the past few weeks. So, we gave it a couple of weeks, then fasted about it on Sunday and unfortunately, decided to stop seeing each other. The first few days I was just miserable. Why would God do this to me... again?! Why had I felt so right about it, when he didn't? It felt so good to be in a happy relationship. I've been nothing but good to these boys, why do I need to go through it again? I was so hurt, embarrassed, broken hearted, and so on. I was a ridiculous mess on Monday, I kept wondering if this is what God wants, why won't he help me more? I learned a lot that first day, and now feel Him with me. Part of it was I just had to ask over and over again in prayer on my knees verbally. I was surprised what a difference a verbal prayer was. I really will miss my best friend. There is a chance that the time is just not right, but I am not planning on it. My parents were engaged, then my mom didn't feel right about it, so she broke it off. She and my dad lived in the same ward, but didn't talk for two years. If they can go through that, so can I. I waited a few days to tell people, but now I feel telling people is the next step to my healing. I am terribly humiliated to go to relief society. I had already started to not like it because every few minutes people would ask when the wedding was, and I couldn't tell them because of the paper work. I am so terrified to fall in love again. Part of me doesn't ever want to, part of me wants to take a few years to do it again, but part of me says bring it on. But, I wanted to thank you all. You have all been so sweet and non-judgemental to me, I cannot say enough how much it means to me. Thank you for listening to me, and for being there for me. I thank you for everything from the bottom of my (broken) heart. :)